The Way I Are

I love to DO!
I mean, I love to do things; all kinds of things:
Baking
Cooking
Reading
Dancing
Eating
Writing
and so on....!

There are so many things that I love to do that I don't get to finish any.

Not the best life, I suppose.

I started to love decorating cakes.
Bought all the stuff for it and watched all these shows and YouTube videos on tips and whatever.
Lasted about two weeks.

Then I fell in love with writing.
I have three books in the making!

Then I fell in love with playing piano (still love it!)
I know all the keys' locations and how to play chords.
Then I stopped playing it.

Safe to say, that I love falling in love with all kinds of hobbies and have many different passions.
The one things that I do not like (or love)
Is never finishing.

You see, I WANT to finish something, to say that I am (almost) a pro at something.
But I just move on to something different.

This can be scary for someone who comes up with ridiculous scenarios in their head:
*On a date (for example)*
He- "So what is something you like to do or are good at?"
Me- *Heavily breathing as my eyes widen in panic* "I am pro at knowing random facts that I don't know are true"

Yeah, I thought that out completely.
There is no second date there >.<

Of course, this is not somethign that will happen, I just come up with these randomly about once or twice a month.

So I like to do many things. BIG DEAL!
After suffering with "worst-case" here I am
The way I are:
Completely Happy to say that I have done or tried many things.
Not exciting things.... but MY things.

My newest craze: Cookie decorating.

:D

I just...love this.

There are going to be things that I never give up.
I still love to read books.
I still love to take pictures just for the fun of it.
I still make Pinterest boards for things I may never do but love to dream about.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming.

If I didn't dream, I would be in a really bad place right now.

God is SO GOOD!
He made me!
Every fine detail about me- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually..etc.

I no longer have to worry about what I want to do.
I have the option to start one thing and start another.
He GAVE ME that option.

I can just be.
I don't need to be freaking out about what to do or worry about anything related to that.
He has a plan. I will be where I need to be.
It makes me think of Esther.

But that is for another time.

Pray. Love. Be.
We were created to worship and honor Him
We can focus on the petty or unnecessary details but that will just take us away from His purpose.

I will do that.
That is my homework for myself.
Pray. Love. Be.

Anything that doesn't make me happy can wait in the background.
No need to worry.
Life will be rocky and it will hurt sometimes but with the Creator on my side, there is no need to stress.

Just Pray. Love. Be- With Faith.
He's Got the Wheel. <3

I had a dream....

A few weeks (a month) ago, I had this dream:

I was walking around a building that looked like a medical school. I was sent off to do a task and I noticed something odd with a "patient". So I hurried off to find someone to confide in. I quickly located my dad and proceeded to tell him about the emergency that was either happening or going to happen. But instead, he brushed me off and continued to work on whatever it was that he was doing. I felt so much anger, that I felt like I was going to scream. So I stormed off, hurt and angry.

My older sister came to me and suggested we go for a drive so I could cool down and not do anything hasty. So off we went. As we approached a red light, I noticed three men walking around a church parking lot. They wore baggy clothes and I could hear their vulgar speech from inside the car. They began to pick up rocks and started throwing them at the cars in the parking lot. My sister said something to me but they fell on deaf ears. I quickly opened the door and got out of the car. I began telling them (not yelling) that they shouldn't be doing that. I told them that they were disrespecting the people who owned those cars. That they are better than what they are doing. That God has such great plans for them. Two of them stopped, dropped the rocks, and had these sincerely apologetic faces, almost tears in their eyes. I remember feeling such peace as I looked at them. The other, who seemed to be a leader to them, began to shout at me. Asking me "Who do you think you are? Telling us what to do and not do? Do you think you are better than me?" The closer and closer he got to me, the angrier he became. I told him not to get any closer and to not lay a hand on me. He grabbed my shoulder and began to yell again but out of reflex I quickly punched him in the face, breaking his nose. He fell to the ground and I thought to myself "why is he so angry?"

The scene changed. I found myself in a large school gymnasium, all the lights were off except for one large spotlight pointed directly at the center where I stood. All around me stood people of all ethnicitys. I looked around at them as they stood in a circle at the very edge of the light, not daring to enter the center. I kneelt down and began to pray. Quietly at first, my voice just a breath. The viewpoint changed and I was able to watch as my body was praying. When I looked straight ahead again, there was a judge on his chair with a gavel in his hand. He began to talk about how I had assaulted the boy who had grabbed me harshly. They spoke of prison and so on. His voice began to be drowned out by the sound of my barley sound producing voice, deep in prayer. I was to wait in prison until a court date. The judge disappeared and all the people who stood around me were staring at me. My body (I) just kept praying, paying them no mind. They pointed, some laughed, some scoffed, and some asked if I was ok. There was one girl, about twenty, who just watched me, intently. The view began to spin rapidly as if time were going by but my mind knew that it had only been a few minutes.

The scene stayed the same but the time had lapsed to at least two weeks or so. I kept on praying, never breaking for a moment. The judge reappeared stating that I was free to go and the man who accused me was being charged for many things. All the people who stood around me were cheering and shouting, congratulating me but they never entered the center of the circle. The girl who was just watching me began shouting "Praise God, I will follow you!", giving her life to Jesus. Then another person gave their life to God , then another and soon there were about 30 people who were saved. Not everyone shouted for joy or gave their life to God but I continued praying. Soon, one by one they began to disappear, until it was just the one girl who seemed so intrigued by my prayer. She wanted me to celebrate my freedom and was so amazed that before trouble began (during the good) I was praying and during the bad, I was praying, and now again I was praying during the gladness of my freedom. She smiled at my praying form and disappeared. I was alone in the gym, praying and praying and praying. Then I woke up.

EXCITEMENT! That is what I felt when I woke up. I couldn't contain my happiness. I just wanted to spread happiness to those around me. I smiled at everyone (a lot bigger than I usually did) and I spoke to more people than I usually did. It was, it IS a beautiful feeling. Like I had finished a terrible task and received the greatest prize for my work.

Interpreting dreams has always fascinated me and while I do not know what the entire dream meant or what parts mean what, I do know that it showed my role.

We are all given something. We are given a role and a purpose. I may not know my purpose in life (praying will help and will give me answers) but I know my role.
It is not my place to say. I have declared it with my mouth and so it is. I can share it here with you all and the more I think of it the more I want to and believe I should. The description of the role, however, is harder to put into words.
The words I hear are: Anchor  and Strength.

Strength, is what I got from the dream, itself. Anchor, I received from other sources-other people. I know that a big lesson is to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY during the good and the bad, the laughs and the tears. I am strong even with the emotions. I am an anchor for those who tie themselves to me. I know how great my God is and I will never say otherwise. I will not believe otherwise.

I don't believe because I see...I see because I believe.

The Truth Will Set You Free

I will admit to hard times with my studies this semester. And if you all knew me, you would know that admitting this is one of the hardest things for me to do.

The only thing harder than that was telling my parents.

I have always held my education on the highest of highest pedestals in my life.
I did excellent in elementary, middle school, and high school. Especially high school- I was all about my grades. (B's would make me cry!)

So when the college education started i was nervous but did good. I received my Associates from Northland Community and Technical College. Following that, I began at UND.

I began the semester with high spirits to only be brought down. And when my mood and motivation went down, I began to keep it a secret from my family.
They would ask me how school was going and I would respond with one of three answers:
-It was great, did a lot today.
-It was fine, the professor (continues with story)
-Eh. it was okay, I guess I am just tired.

The more days would pass, the less and less confidence I would have in myself and in my future.
I kept thinking of scenarios of my failure and what I was going to do with my life.

That was until I spoke to my parents.

It wasn't intentional. I wasn't ever going to tell them. Until the day of an exam. I was so tired and beaten that I could no longer control what I was doing. I was literally leaning against the wall and could not move, almost shaking from this heaviness.
The tears welled up in my eyes and i just blurted out my "dark" secret.
And I cried. (I'm a crier so nothing new but this one felt different)

I was so scared of their disappointment. I was scared of saying it out loud because then it would be real to me.

And you know what they said then?

Words of encouragement, of love, of trust, of reassurance.
They said they would never be disappointed in me.
They said that if something goes wrong, then there will be other chances, other opportunities and I can just continue to go to school, i could even change my major again (something funny and heartwarming to say after doing so 3 times).

And we prayed together. It was then that I felt the "freeing" feeling.
My heart, at first, felt like it was splitting in two. Then it started to hurt even more. And finally, there was peace.
Peace all around me.
Filling me from my feet to the top of my head.
It was a fuzzy feeling.
I had never felt so alive.

A few days after praying with my dad, I had an exam.
I was nervous, of course, (tests make me nervous) and I went ahead, studied and started.
After the test, I went home and took a nap.
Surprisingly, I woke up refreshed.

Boring right? A nap? but let me tell you, I never  take naps and when I did the last time (months ago, maybe?) I just feel sick.
and Yesterday? I received my grade and couldn't be happier!!!

And for the second time (first after the prayer), I could not have felt more excited for the school work! My workload seems light to me now and I feel like I have all the time in the world.

This made me realize something that I was always told and what I always tell others:
When you have a problem, Talk to God first!!! His words will set you free!!!!!!!

I don't know how many times I was told these things and I just did't listen, Until now.

So my advice to you all:
Talk to God. Listen to God. Continue to be in a relationship with God. And you will feel incredibly joyful and free! Don't be afraid to tell the truth.
You will sing loud in the car even when the windows are open and people give you strange looks.
Feel happy and live happily with God by your side!

Simple?
It is.

God Bless!!!!

For My Mom.

When I look at myself in the mirror and think of what my future will look like, I begin to see things even more clear than before. I think, a lot, about the type of mother I would be and how even that expectation will be different.

Mothers <3

My Beautiful Mother and Myself <3

They are the only ones who will truly love no matter what happens in life. Sometimes I find myself hoping that my kids will one day see in me what I see in my mom. Yes, the first few years of life were blissful with smiles and tickles and laughs. The following years after in the teens were some-what rough and lonely but I think that is where the most love will jump off of. After I let go of the teen years and my resentment, I realized just how much love and self-sacrifice goes into being a mother, a real mother.

My mom is an amazing individual. I can go on and on about how she is the best mother in the world and I guarantee that other people will say the same about their mother. Looking at my mom, as a bystander or in a different angle, I can see that she is so much more. While I find her to be the best mother in the universe, I am able to see her as a person and determine that I would not mind and do not mind being like her.

My mother is a stunning individual.
Mainly speaking of my birth, as I am sure you have read in previous posts, to be so brave and faithful in God to just turn down the suggestions of doctors, that makes her a better person in my eyes. The way that she speaks is always so full of love and care. Trust me, she doesn't speak to hear herself talk. She is all about the truth and all about the rights and wrongs.

Sometimes, children feel like parents don't understand and don't care but they could not be more wrong. There were countless times, where I would fight with my mom and apologize almost instantly because I thought it through and knew where I went wrong.

Now,

The other day, I really felt love from her. Don't get me wrong, I feel it all the time through the good and bad times but this one particular day meant a lot to me.

I have this great interest Tea, Tea Cups/Pots, and well, other things that I am sure I will get to on future posts.

And Even though it was suppose to be a surprise, she bought me a tea pot and six cups.

Seems simple to you, right? but I felt (and still feel) like she bought me the world.

You see, that is what mothers do. They secretly (because to most children, we think they know nothing about us) gather information and do their best to give us the desires of our hearts. They know things that most people won't know, even yourself. 

Isn't that what mothers strive for?

To be able to give their children the world?

This same things applies to God and his relationship with us (or our relationship with him, whichever you think is the best way to put it). He tells us in Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you....."
All you need to do is have Faith.

Thinking about it now, I believe that a good mother is filled with Faith.
My mom has always shown me what Faith is.
You can see it in her eyes when she talks and hear it in her voice, see it in the actions that she takes every day.

God gives us the choice- to ask or not. Simple but complicated at the same time. We ask and we are shown the way, going through a few troubles to get the the destination and given the gift of being able to say "My Father/Mother and I did it together" (because he is a Father to the fatherless and Mother to the motherless).

One way to tell you that my mom is someone I strive to be like is because She had slipped on ice during the winter and sprained her ankle. I could tell that satan was enjoying himself as she limped to work and church for months after the doctors told her that it would be fine in a few days. Constantly asking for prayer for her family and forgetting to ask for help herself. Seeing her now, walking with no troubles, hearing her tell everyone about it with a huge smile on her face and never once did she say "oh it was because I iced it every day or the doctors were right..." but hearing her say, I just needed Faith and to pray.She is a woman of God and has so much faith but I never forget that she is human and sometimes, we lose ourselves to this world; but even so, she asks for more than just to have faith...but she believes in it, in God, with all of her Spirit.

She has a beautiful smile and a contagious laugh.
She raised us with every ounce of love this universe has to offer.
She gave us a light to follow God and our gift to her, is to seek him and believe in him
My Parents are the greatest gift my Lord has given me and until the day I go home to Him, I will honor my Father and Mother. Thanking every day for their Faith, Love, and Joy:)