Lose Some Weight and Gain God

It’s easy to talk about change; harder to actually do so.

In high school, I weighed about 130 pounds which isn’t so bad; I was thin.

About two years into college I started to gain weight and sadly, I now weigh 160 with a muffin top. I know that appearances aren’t everything but come on, I want to look good and feel good too.

I talk about losing weight, I research until the battery dies in my phone, and then I research more.

I still weigh 160 pounds and have a muffin top.

I know how to lose weight and I talk about losing weigh but I haven’t done anything to actually lose any poundage.

The same goes for getting closer to God or to have that relationship with Him that looks like the pastors’. If you don’t walk (or read) daily or don’t pray and meditate on the word, you won’t lose weight or gain a better relationship with Him.

Lately, there has been conflict with my sisters and I.

People take advantage of us because we love children; so they throw their children in our house and leave without a “thank you” or anything like that; the child that was going to sleepover one night is still in the house one week later.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the child and the family he/she belongs to, I love to help and love to be a part of that child’s life but remember, we also have the church in our house as well. We have responsibilities and things we have lacked before, so another thing on our plates can cause stress.

When voting whether we take a child in for a few days, I am hesitant to throw my “yes” out when I see a bunch of “no’s” already in the pile.

This time, I said it firmly that we must say “yes”.

Conflict.

The phrase “people take advantage of us because we love the kids” gets laid on the table and I am stuck for a moment.

I have seen this before; people take advantage of my father, the pastor because he is a man who usually says “yes”- spends hundreds of dollars (that we don’t have) to help and then the person disappears from the radar without saying thank you.

I honestly get angry just thinking about it (Sorry, Lord).

How do you respond to something like that? How am I to talk to them about my love for helping children? How can I say “yes” when we were just trying to explain the same thing to my father the night or two before?

The answer (what we did): complain to make the other mad

What? Really? Complain?

Yes, that is how my sisters and I solve things. We complain and complain and complain. We complain when the person we are arguing with is in front of us, we complain under our breaths, we complain when the person is still within earshot but not in the room.

That is how we usually do things

This time, however, while I was still in earshot and the complaining and insulting was happening in the next room, I remained silent.

For those who do not know me, that is not an easy thing for me to do. I have to have the last word or, at least, the loudest word. But I couldn’t say anything.

I believe it was the Holy Spirit and His use of my father’s face that said “it’s okay not to respond and frankly, it would be for the best”.

Sometimes, I just can’t imagine why someone would not respond but I figured that it won’t change anything if I responded, especially when I was upset. It was time for me to be quiet and just let it go.

In order for me to lose weight and to have enough of a relationship with God to be able to determine when is the right time to say “yes” and the right time to say nothing, is by working for it (in terms of prayer, to just be in the presence of God).

God will meet you half way; His half is done and ready, it’s just up to us to get the rest of the way there. There is already a 130-lbs woman in me, I just need to put the chocolate down and get those running shoes on. There is already a great missionary, or pastor, or children’s ministry leader in all of you, you just need to open that Bible, close those eyes to pray, or do some journaling.

How easy it is to just do it. But remember to do so quietly, do it humbly. Just like when you want to lose weight- you don’t tell everyone because the moment you want to reward yourself or are willing to work out more just to try that cookie- everyone verbally has an opinion or scoffs at you.

Nike says that right? I’m not sure but I know that God says that.

In Matthew 6:4-6:

4 Just do it - quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out. 

5 "And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat? 

6 "Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.

It’s pretty clear on how and what we need to do. I personally took time to just be quiet; a few hours ago while lying on the ground with no light, after raking the leaves. Not planned and it truly was lovely. 

Now, I just need to pray and read more to figure out how to address those who take advantage of me and my family. I need to relax and remember that God has all situations in His hands it will work out tremendously beautiful in the end.

The Way I Are

I love to DO!
I mean, I love to do things; all kinds of things:
Baking
Cooking
Reading
Dancing
Eating
Writing
and so on....!

There are so many things that I love to do that I don't get to finish any.

Not the best life, I suppose.

I started to love decorating cakes.
Bought all the stuff for it and watched all these shows and YouTube videos on tips and whatever.
Lasted about two weeks.

Then I fell in love with writing.
I have three books in the making!

Then I fell in love with playing piano (still love it!)
I know all the keys' locations and how to play chords.
Then I stopped playing it.

Safe to say, that I love falling in love with all kinds of hobbies and have many different passions.
The one things that I do not like (or love)
Is never finishing.

You see, I WANT to finish something, to say that I am (almost) a pro at something.
But I just move on to something different.

This can be scary for someone who comes up with ridiculous scenarios in their head:
*On a date (for example)*
He- "So what is something you like to do or are good at?"
Me- *Heavily breathing as my eyes widen in panic* "I am pro at knowing random facts that I don't know are true"

Yeah, I thought that out completely.
There is no second date there >.<

Of course, this is not somethign that will happen, I just come up with these randomly about once or twice a month.

So I like to do many things. BIG DEAL!
After suffering with "worst-case" here I am
The way I are:
Completely Happy to say that I have done or tried many things.
Not exciting things.... but MY things.

My newest craze: Cookie decorating.

:D

I just...love this.

There are going to be things that I never give up.
I still love to read books.
I still love to take pictures just for the fun of it.
I still make Pinterest boards for things I may never do but love to dream about.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming.

If I didn't dream, I would be in a really bad place right now.

God is SO GOOD!
He made me!
Every fine detail about me- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually..etc.

I no longer have to worry about what I want to do.
I have the option to start one thing and start another.
He GAVE ME that option.

I can just be.
I don't need to be freaking out about what to do or worry about anything related to that.
He has a plan. I will be where I need to be.
It makes me think of Esther.

But that is for another time.

Pray. Love. Be.
We were created to worship and honor Him
We can focus on the petty or unnecessary details but that will just take us away from His purpose.

I will do that.
That is my homework for myself.
Pray. Love. Be.

Anything that doesn't make me happy can wait in the background.
No need to worry.
Life will be rocky and it will hurt sometimes but with the Creator on my side, there is no need to stress.

Just Pray. Love. Be- With Faith.
He's Got the Wheel. <3

I had a dream....

A few weeks (a month) ago, I had this dream:

I was walking around a building that looked like a medical school. I was sent off to do a task and I noticed something odd with a "patient". So I hurried off to find someone to confide in. I quickly located my dad and proceeded to tell him about the emergency that was either happening or going to happen. But instead, he brushed me off and continued to work on whatever it was that he was doing. I felt so much anger, that I felt like I was going to scream. So I stormed off, hurt and angry.

My older sister came to me and suggested we go for a drive so I could cool down and not do anything hasty. So off we went. As we approached a red light, I noticed three men walking around a church parking lot. They wore baggy clothes and I could hear their vulgar speech from inside the car. They began to pick up rocks and started throwing them at the cars in the parking lot. My sister said something to me but they fell on deaf ears. I quickly opened the door and got out of the car. I began telling them (not yelling) that they shouldn't be doing that. I told them that they were disrespecting the people who owned those cars. That they are better than what they are doing. That God has such great plans for them. Two of them stopped, dropped the rocks, and had these sincerely apologetic faces, almost tears in their eyes. I remember feeling such peace as I looked at them. The other, who seemed to be a leader to them, began to shout at me. Asking me "Who do you think you are? Telling us what to do and not do? Do you think you are better than me?" The closer and closer he got to me, the angrier he became. I told him not to get any closer and to not lay a hand on me. He grabbed my shoulder and began to yell again but out of reflex I quickly punched him in the face, breaking his nose. He fell to the ground and I thought to myself "why is he so angry?"

The scene changed. I found myself in a large school gymnasium, all the lights were off except for one large spotlight pointed directly at the center where I stood. All around me stood people of all ethnicitys. I looked around at them as they stood in a circle at the very edge of the light, not daring to enter the center. I kneelt down and began to pray. Quietly at first, my voice just a breath. The viewpoint changed and I was able to watch as my body was praying. When I looked straight ahead again, there was a judge on his chair with a gavel in his hand. He began to talk about how I had assaulted the boy who had grabbed me harshly. They spoke of prison and so on. His voice began to be drowned out by the sound of my barley sound producing voice, deep in prayer. I was to wait in prison until a court date. The judge disappeared and all the people who stood around me were staring at me. My body (I) just kept praying, paying them no mind. They pointed, some laughed, some scoffed, and some asked if I was ok. There was one girl, about twenty, who just watched me, intently. The view began to spin rapidly as if time were going by but my mind knew that it had only been a few minutes.

The scene stayed the same but the time had lapsed to at least two weeks or so. I kept on praying, never breaking for a moment. The judge reappeared stating that I was free to go and the man who accused me was being charged for many things. All the people who stood around me were cheering and shouting, congratulating me but they never entered the center of the circle. The girl who was just watching me began shouting "Praise God, I will follow you!", giving her life to Jesus. Then another person gave their life to God , then another and soon there were about 30 people who were saved. Not everyone shouted for joy or gave their life to God but I continued praying. Soon, one by one they began to disappear, until it was just the one girl who seemed so intrigued by my prayer. She wanted me to celebrate my freedom and was so amazed that before trouble began (during the good) I was praying and during the bad, I was praying, and now again I was praying during the gladness of my freedom. She smiled at my praying form and disappeared. I was alone in the gym, praying and praying and praying. Then I woke up.

EXCITEMENT! That is what I felt when I woke up. I couldn't contain my happiness. I just wanted to spread happiness to those around me. I smiled at everyone (a lot bigger than I usually did) and I spoke to more people than I usually did. It was, it IS a beautiful feeling. Like I had finished a terrible task and received the greatest prize for my work.

Interpreting dreams has always fascinated me and while I do not know what the entire dream meant or what parts mean what, I do know that it showed my role.

We are all given something. We are given a role and a purpose. I may not know my purpose in life (praying will help and will give me answers) but I know my role.
It is not my place to say. I have declared it with my mouth and so it is. I can share it here with you all and the more I think of it the more I want to and believe I should. The description of the role, however, is harder to put into words.
The words I hear are: Anchor  and Strength.

Strength, is what I got from the dream, itself. Anchor, I received from other sources-other people. I know that a big lesson is to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY during the good and the bad, the laughs and the tears. I am strong even with the emotions. I am an anchor for those who tie themselves to me. I know how great my God is and I will never say otherwise. I will not believe otherwise.

I don't believe because I see...I see because I believe.

Prayer at 10. (Part 2 of 1?)

There was an incident that happened to one of our church members. I didn't need or want details but my parents were insistent on praying at 10pm.
To some, it was too late.
To others, they had children to attend to.

To me, it was a simple enough request. I mean, we are doing it for a family member (Our church is a big family).
But I didn't do it the first night.
The second night, I prayed around midnight (Me- a night owl...hoo, hoo)
The third night, I prayed at 11pm and it lasted about 5-10 minutes because I didn't know what to say.

The fourth night, however, was different than the rest.

I was never big on prayer.
Rarely did it except for before a meal and it wasn't all that extensive (Thank you, Jesus for this food. Amen. type of thing).
But this night.
Was the most beautiful night.

You see, I was able to pray but not just a "Thank you God for......" but a meaningful conversation with God. We talk for over 25 minutes. The longest I have ever prayed in my life. We talked about everything.
We spoke of my dreams, my passions, the family that I love the most (besides God). We talked about people from the past and people of the future (Always a good idea to pray for the future spouse and children). We just talked. and talked. and talked.

Honestly...
I don't remember everything we talked about. And that is what means the most to me.
He hears me and I speak from the heart. I may not remember it all but boy do I know that He does.

How did I do it?
I just spoke. Word after word flowed from my mouth and not a t first. At first, it was just plain awkward. Then  I remembered that I wasn't doing this for anyone but for Him. And once I understood that, it was just clean and easy.

I will post the next part that chronologically happened at least a month ago....I had a dream....

God Bless!

The Truth Will Set You Free

I will admit to hard times with my studies this semester. And if you all knew me, you would know that admitting this is one of the hardest things for me to do.

The only thing harder than that was telling my parents.

I have always held my education on the highest of highest pedestals in my life.
I did excellent in elementary, middle school, and high school. Especially high school- I was all about my grades. (B's would make me cry!)

So when the college education started i was nervous but did good. I received my Associates from Northland Community and Technical College. Following that, I began at UND.

I began the semester with high spirits to only be brought down. And when my mood and motivation went down, I began to keep it a secret from my family.
They would ask me how school was going and I would respond with one of three answers:
-It was great, did a lot today.
-It was fine, the professor (continues with story)
-Eh. it was okay, I guess I am just tired.

The more days would pass, the less and less confidence I would have in myself and in my future.
I kept thinking of scenarios of my failure and what I was going to do with my life.

That was until I spoke to my parents.

It wasn't intentional. I wasn't ever going to tell them. Until the day of an exam. I was so tired and beaten that I could no longer control what I was doing. I was literally leaning against the wall and could not move, almost shaking from this heaviness.
The tears welled up in my eyes and i just blurted out my "dark" secret.
And I cried. (I'm a crier so nothing new but this one felt different)

I was so scared of their disappointment. I was scared of saying it out loud because then it would be real to me.

And you know what they said then?

Words of encouragement, of love, of trust, of reassurance.
They said they would never be disappointed in me.
They said that if something goes wrong, then there will be other chances, other opportunities and I can just continue to go to school, i could even change my major again (something funny and heartwarming to say after doing so 3 times).

And we prayed together. It was then that I felt the "freeing" feeling.
My heart, at first, felt like it was splitting in two. Then it started to hurt even more. And finally, there was peace.
Peace all around me.
Filling me from my feet to the top of my head.
It was a fuzzy feeling.
I had never felt so alive.

A few days after praying with my dad, I had an exam.
I was nervous, of course, (tests make me nervous) and I went ahead, studied and started.
After the test, I went home and took a nap.
Surprisingly, I woke up refreshed.

Boring right? A nap? but let me tell you, I never  take naps and when I did the last time (months ago, maybe?) I just feel sick.
and Yesterday? I received my grade and couldn't be happier!!!

And for the second time (first after the prayer), I could not have felt more excited for the school work! My workload seems light to me now and I feel like I have all the time in the world.

This made me realize something that I was always told and what I always tell others:
When you have a problem, Talk to God first!!! His words will set you free!!!!!!!

I don't know how many times I was told these things and I just did't listen, Until now.

So my advice to you all:
Talk to God. Listen to God. Continue to be in a relationship with God. And you will feel incredibly joyful and free! Don't be afraid to tell the truth.
You will sing loud in the car even when the windows are open and people give you strange looks.
Feel happy and live happily with God by your side!

Simple?
It is.

God Bless!!!!

Feeling Good!

We are all dying!
Slowly, as we go through life. And sometimes I think it is scary but not because I am afraid of death (so not!)
It's because we always take things for granted. I am guilty of that just as much as anyone.

Lately, I have been very concerned with health: what I'm eating, what I am doing activity-wise, and most importanly, informing my family on the dangers of the items we thought were healthy.
This brings things into perspective....

Like with our Christian walk.

What are you putting into your body? Your spirit? Your mind? What about your family?

Think about all the things you interact with throughout the day. Is there something you want to hide from someone? That's one negative point.
What about the music you listen to? Is it about the Love of God or about cheating boyfriends/girlfriends? That two!
How about what you watch on t.v or talk about with your friends? That three! And we're out!

A lot of people don't see these things as problems but what goes into the brain and spirit will come out from the mouth and travel to the heart.

We know about the Grinch and his tiny heart, we know about Pharoah who had a hardened heart and yet we continue to hold onto those petty fights with our spouses! We know who is really behind all of that...Satan. He is the "divide and conquer" type. His tricks are all the same and yet many people still fall for it.

So what can we do?

We can pray, read the Bible, we put on The armor of God!!!!!

What does this have to do with health?
Everything!
We are so preoccupied with the bikini ready bodies for the summer that we forget to exercise our spiritual walk so we are ready for ETERNITY!

I am guilty of this too so I can understand why we put these things off to the end but we shouldn't and I won't! While I may be busy with school and Sunday school prep, I make sure to take a few minutes of every day to pray and read a few scriptures to reflect.

Seems too simple? That's because as humans we over complicate everything!
So
My advice to all of you, mothers and daughters, father's and sons, is to just take 3 minutes to thank God for all He has and will do, read a scripture and reflect. You can ask for things, of course but remember to just thank every once in a while.

Go for a walk or a run, eat those vegetables and nourish your spirit with the food Jesus has provided.

God bless you all, my brothers and sisters.
I am grateful for all of you♡