I will admit to hard times with my studies this semester. And if you all knew me, you would know that admitting this is one of the hardest things for me to do.
The only thing harder than that was telling my parents.
I have always held my education on the highest of highest pedestals in my life.
I did excellent in elementary, middle school, and high school. Especially high school- I was all about my grades. (B's would make me cry!)
So when the college education started i was nervous but did good. I received my Associates from Northland Community and Technical College. Following that, I began at UND.
I began the semester with high spirits to only be brought down. And when my mood and motivation went down, I began to keep it a secret from my family.
They would ask me how school was going and I would respond with one of three answers:
-It was great, did a lot today.
-It was fine, the professor (continues with story)
-Eh. it was okay, I guess I am just tired.
The more days would pass, the less and less confidence I would have in myself and in my future.
I kept thinking of scenarios of my failure and what I was going to do with my life.
That was until I spoke to my parents.
It wasn't intentional. I wasn't ever going to tell them. Until the day of an exam. I was so tired and beaten that I could no longer control what I was doing. I was literally leaning against the wall and could not move, almost shaking from this heaviness.
The tears welled up in my eyes and i just blurted out my "dark" secret.
And I cried. (I'm a crier so nothing new but this one felt different)
I was so scared of their disappointment. I was scared of saying it out loud because then it would be real to me.
And you know what they said then?
Words of encouragement, of love, of trust, of reassurance.
They said they would never be disappointed in me.
They said that if something goes wrong, then there will be other chances, other opportunities and I can just continue to go to school, i could even change my major again (something funny and heartwarming to say after doing so 3 times).
And we prayed together. It was then that I felt the "freeing" feeling.
My heart, at first, felt like it was splitting in two. Then it started to hurt even more. And finally, there was peace.
Peace all around me.
Filling me from my feet to the top of my head.
It was a fuzzy feeling.
I had never felt so alive.
A few days after praying with my dad, I had an exam.
I was nervous, of course, (tests make me nervous) and I went ahead, studied and started.
After the test, I went home and took a nap.
Surprisingly, I woke up refreshed.
Boring right? A nap? but let me tell you, I never take naps and when I did the last time (months ago, maybe?) I just feel sick.
and Yesterday? I received my grade and couldn't be happier!!!
And for the second time (first after the prayer), I could not have felt more excited for the school work! My workload seems light to me now and I feel like I have all the time in the world.
This made me realize something that I was always told and what I always tell others:
When you have a problem, Talk to God first!!! His words will set you free!!!!!!!
I don't know how many times I was told these things and I just did't listen, Until now.
So my advice to you all:
Talk to God. Listen to God. Continue to be in a relationship with God. And you will feel incredibly joyful and free! Don't be afraid to tell the truth.
You will sing loud in the car even when the windows are open and people give you strange looks.
Feel happy and live happily with God by your side!
Simple?
It is.
God Bless!!!!
The only thing harder than that was telling my parents.
I have always held my education on the highest of highest pedestals in my life.
I did excellent in elementary, middle school, and high school. Especially high school- I was all about my grades. (B's would make me cry!)
So when the college education started i was nervous but did good. I received my Associates from Northland Community and Technical College. Following that, I began at UND.
I began the semester with high spirits to only be brought down. And when my mood and motivation went down, I began to keep it a secret from my family.
They would ask me how school was going and I would respond with one of three answers:
-It was great, did a lot today.
-It was fine, the professor (continues with story)
-Eh. it was okay, I guess I am just tired.
The more days would pass, the less and less confidence I would have in myself and in my future.
I kept thinking of scenarios of my failure and what I was going to do with my life.
That was until I spoke to my parents.
It wasn't intentional. I wasn't ever going to tell them. Until the day of an exam. I was so tired and beaten that I could no longer control what I was doing. I was literally leaning against the wall and could not move, almost shaking from this heaviness.
The tears welled up in my eyes and i just blurted out my "dark" secret.
And I cried. (I'm a crier so nothing new but this one felt different)
I was so scared of their disappointment. I was scared of saying it out loud because then it would be real to me.
And you know what they said then?
Words of encouragement, of love, of trust, of reassurance.
They said they would never be disappointed in me.
They said that if something goes wrong, then there will be other chances, other opportunities and I can just continue to go to school, i could even change my major again (something funny and heartwarming to say after doing so 3 times).
And we prayed together. It was then that I felt the "freeing" feeling.
My heart, at first, felt like it was splitting in two. Then it started to hurt even more. And finally, there was peace.
Peace all around me.
Filling me from my feet to the top of my head.
It was a fuzzy feeling.
I had never felt so alive.
A few days after praying with my dad, I had an exam.
I was nervous, of course, (tests make me nervous) and I went ahead, studied and started.
After the test, I went home and took a nap.
Surprisingly, I woke up refreshed.
Boring right? A nap? but let me tell you, I never take naps and when I did the last time (months ago, maybe?) I just feel sick.
and Yesterday? I received my grade and couldn't be happier!!!
And for the second time (first after the prayer), I could not have felt more excited for the school work! My workload seems light to me now and I feel like I have all the time in the world.
This made me realize something that I was always told and what I always tell others:
When you have a problem, Talk to God first!!! His words will set you free!!!!!!!
I don't know how many times I was told these things and I just did't listen, Until now.
So my advice to you all:
Talk to God. Listen to God. Continue to be in a relationship with God. And you will feel incredibly joyful and free! Don't be afraid to tell the truth.
You will sing loud in the car even when the windows are open and people give you strange looks.
Feel happy and live happily with God by your side!
Simple?
It is.
God Bless!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment